A fat girls first post.

Hello, bloggers.

Here I am; it's 7:30am and I've been up since 4am alternating between cursing the fact I have allowed myself to get this big, and looking at the clock wondering when it'll be the afternoon.

My diet history is thus; I've joined Weight Watchers several times, always promising to go back, and never actually doing it. I'm not 100% sure if I'm going to revert back to WW, purely because I want to adopt a different way of eating. In short, I don't want to feel like I am on a diet, because in laymans terms, I'm going to have to eat like this for the rest of my life. I am one of those poor souls who only has to sniff at fattening foods and it's there, right on my already ample hips (or mainly my stomach). It's a pain, but ultimately there is bog all I can do about it and after much consideration (although it didn't take a lot) I have made the attempt to say 2010 HAS to be the year I do something about my weight.

Ironically, in my teens I was anorexic. 10 years ago I weighed half what I do now. It's sort of a sorry state of affairs really - I always said even if I put weight on I'd never be larger than a 14 and I certainly wouldn't be a 16 - Now I'd love to be a 16! Currently I am somewhere between a 20-22 (in that 20 can be a bit snug, and 22 is usually a bit loose) - It's slowly creeped up on me, 6 years ago I was a size 16 more or less in everything, which was fine - I looked fine, I was overweight but didn't look it (I've always had an issue with weighing more than I look, even when I was starving myself my lowest weight was only 8.5 stone) and I was comfortable. I'd be quite happy to be back at that point, perhaps a little slimmer if only so I can kick start my periods.

Oh yes, I also have PCOS. I had this as a result of the anorexia, so I guess in some respects I've not binge eaten my way to this size - it's come on slowly as a result of eating the wrong foods, drinking the wrong liquids and not getting enough exercise. Exercise is going to be the hard part - I also have M.E so my energy levels are shot to shit, but in the summer when I made more of an effort to be more active I actually felt better, so there is an incentive.

Anyway, I'm mainly going to adopt a low GI diet, as that is supposed to be good for PCOS suffers - my issue with WW is that although you have points, you can subsitute those points for whatever - pasta, bread, etc. When I did do WW I didn't eat a lot of those things, but knowing I could means I'm more likely to indulge. So, I am armed with Low GI books, and will loosely follow WW by means of a point tracker (I have a calculator) and I may or may not sign up for meetings.

All this is a bit redundant at the moment as it's my birthday in two days, so I will slowly try to ease myself into the Low GI way of thinking so it's not a total upheaval!